lipstickslytherin asked: Carrie did victim blame. I'm not twisting her words at all. She literally said "It’s about having the confidence and the self-esteem and the self-respect to say ‘I don’t want this." That's exactly what she said. She's suggesting that rape/abuse survivors, like myself, didn't have the self-respect to say no. And, sure, she talked about consent later, but this phrase right here victim blames and is hurtful to victims. And calling her out on this one thing is not "hatred," as you naively put it.

I know she said that, but again it’s taken completely out of context, she later apologized if her words came across in an offensive manner, she posted on her tumblr. I agree of course, it’s not about self respect, nor self esteem when saying no, she was in my opinion trying to say in a badly worded manner something along the lines of: You should make it very clear that you don’t want to do this act. 

There are circumstances where this would be pretty much impossible such as if you froze, or were intoxicated, she was specifically talking about relationships where the other person is pressuring or coercing the other into something. 

Carrie’s apology on her tumblr: 

I’d just like the point out the 4:01 show video was aimed at teenagers who are in their early relationships who are only just approaching sexual encounters. It wasn’t aimed at those who have been raped or abused but to those who may be made to feel uncomfortable or pressured in their own relationships. I’m very sorry again that my wording made it sound like I was accusing those who have been abused, weren’t strong enough to say no. That is obviously not what I think because I’d be a stupid, horrible person if I did! If you have been abused, it’s your abusers fault entirely.”

I am a survivor too, when watching it I didn’t find anything about what she said offensive nor victim blaming, she also reiterated in the video that abuse is always the abuser’s fault. I’m not naive, thanks, I found the phrase out of context offensive, when people on this website are leading a witch hunt against Carrie for saying something she simply didn’t word correctly. I’m sick of people seeing something about this sensitive topic and people going out of their way to twist words, attack and discredit someone. 

(Source: philiplestcr, via the-absolute-best-gifs)

Yet another example of how vicious and cruel this community can be. Carrie did not victim blame, everyone is taking what she said completely out of context, and on purpose too, if you do take that sentence out of it’s original context it sounds awful. 

It seems as soon as someone talks about this topic they hear what they want to perceive so they have an excuse to jump on a bandwagon of hatred at someone who doesn’t deserve it. 

I’m not saying victim blaming never happens in this community and on Youtube, it does, but Carrie didn’t. Let’s move on to helping actual survivors. 


i turned around to my desk and saw this glory in my magnifying mirror
Untitled Portrait by StephanieHadley
Untitled Portrait (IV) by StephanieHadley


yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit  during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me

(via yahoochrome)


The Perry Bible Fellowship



giant barks and teeny mews












that is all

thank you i needed this

(via live-for-the-journey)



So far, I have been enjoying the Adventures of Business Cat a great deal, possibly more than is appropriate for an adult human. (All of these are from the webcomic Happy Jar)

UPDATE: Now with more Business.


(via katiegkoolgeek)


This IS the best I can do

I am NOT slacking off

I am NOT using my mental illness as an excuse

It IS ok that my best is not the same as other people’s bests

(via iwriteaboutfeminism)



Is this how lesbian sex works


(Source:, via bitch-brigade)


1. Triggers aren’t as easy as they seem.
Some things are easy enough, tw: rape tw: victim blaming tw: graphic content.
Some things aren’t. How do you explain to a friend ‘If you make me feel small- I will get sick’. How do you tell a lover, ‘Don’t call me beautiful, or gorgeous, or pretty. In fact- just please, don’t say anything’.
Or explain to someone, ” I can’t go through that line. That line has a man wearing a yellow shirt in it- and he is wearing a cologne and no. no. no. no.”
People think triggers are easy to understand- that those unaffected by trauma should still be able to understand the why.
If I can’t understand why I’m triggered by it- what makes you think you can.
2. Trauma would effect everything. Literally.
Something as simple as buying groceries, or going for a walk. Where I’m willing to be in public by myself.
What I will wear and when. And it isn’t so simple as just ‘covering up’. It’s ‘dress nice enough that no one will think there is something wrong with you’ next to ‘don’t dress too nice though- you don’t want anything to happen.’
It effects what I eat. Stress effects the stomach, and when your mind is constantly trying to avoid new trauma or thinking about old trauma.. then you have a lot of times where you’re either stress eating, or forgetting to eat from stress.
Sleep to avoid reality. Insomnia because nightmares.
It changed my speech patterns. Had to be careful not to invite things. Had to be careful to not be ‘b****’ who deserved what was coming.
Trauma changed everything.
3. Recovery isn’t a straight line.
The common theme seems to be ‘avoids life for x amount of days- maybe a week or two. friends come over pull victim back into the real world. there are 2, maybe 3 set backs- but by a few months- life returns to normal’
Personally it was more like ‘life goes on fast forward for the next two months, nothing is wrong- NOTHING IS WRONG- NOTHING IS WRONG IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME- crash. Refuses to deal with life 4 months. Begins to recover. set back. recover. set back. simultaneously does a little bit better in one area- and completely falls apart in another. set back. Too many weeks of wondering ‘is this behavior more attributed to recovery or relapse? how do I know?’
There are way too many variables for recovery to move in a straight line. There are times when we do things that are good for us- while simultaneously regressing in other areas.
4. Recovery isn’t always about going out, facing your fears, or punching your assailant in the face.
Sometimes recovery is making art about what happened.
It is talking honestly about your fears and doubts.
It is talking- at all- about what happened to you.
Recovery is reading terrible terrible fan fiction where the MC goes through something terrible- but finds their best friend through it all- and they go out and slay the dragon and win the hearts of everyone. It is believing that maybe you too will be able to slay the dragon.
It is admitting that you are hurting.
It is asking for help when you need it.
Recovery, is a thousand things.
but not an end goal. not really.
5. Love won’t actually save us.
Too often I saw this idea- that maybe if we found someone who found our pain tragically beautiful.. they could convince us of our worth. they could hold our hand in public and kiss away the pain. after a decent amount of time, you’d have sex- and you’d realize that things were going to be okay after all.
Our pain is not tragically beautiful. 
We don’t necessarily have to save ourselves- not alone. But we have to put in the foot work, we have to respect our need to rest too though. We are more likely to get better with friends who extend hands to help us up- than lovers who kiss away memories of what happened.
6. Survivors actually aren’t that uncommon.
Too often I feel alone in a crowded room, feeling like everyone knows what happened and everyone thinks I’m a monster.
But I’ve learned, that when I speak up- inevitably, other people do too.
Whether it is reading a poem at a venue, or an offhanded comment.  Once one person speaks…
someone else, who thought they were all alone, speaks up too.
We aren’t alone. The more we talk, the more we reach out, the more we find one another.
and that…
was probably the most healing thing I ever did.